Dear All
by Abbey Grimm Dawn
Summary: When you pair a quill and a character together, set them loose on the world of fanfiction and force them to write letters to authors of said fanfiction, this is born.
1. Harry Potter

**a/n: hello! new fic. yes, it's been done a billion times before but... i have an opinion, no? i think i'll start with harry.**

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Dear Fanfiction Authors,

Hello. My name is Harry Potter. I am a _boy_. I have no siblings as my parents were _dead. _Even Muggles should know that ghosts cannot procreate. Granted, a sibling would have saved me the eternal shame of having only Dudley as a cousin, but it can't be helped.

I am engaged to Ginny Weasley who I love and will _not _be leaving for anyone else. Not Cho Chang (honestly, we were fifteen and sixteen. give me a break!), not Hermione (she's my best friend) and not, Merlin forbid, _Draco Malfoy_. Not Voldemort either. I am perfectly straight, thank you very much, and the latter killed my parents and tried to kill me. _Repeatedly_. Not even I can forgive that.

Is there anything else? Hmm... what about: no slash, no alternate universes (although the kids from Twilight made me laugh like a maniac), no murdering, no _incest_, and no time travel romance.

That is connected to a) incest and b) slash. Me and Snape? That is a mental image that would drive Voldemort to suicide. It would be really embarrassing to fall for my _dead _mum!

Alright?

Yours sincerely,

Harry James Potter.


	2. Ron Weasley

Dear All Fanfic Writers/Authors,

I'm going to copy Harry's letter because I have more important things to do than write to gits like you.

_Ron, be nice!_

_Fine_, 'Mione.

So. I will never even _think _(apart from now.) of decreasing my utter loathing for the ferret. And Harry? Mate, I like you but if you leave Gin for _anyone, _be prepared to die a painful death. So that's the first part covered.

Me and Ginny? People, she's my _sister_.

I am never going to hurt Hermione in any way. Yes, I'm a prat, a git, a person with the emotional range of a teaspoon but I _love _her.

_That's so sweet!_

**(the supreme ruler: Hermione, get out of Ron's letter. I am immune to all spells but I can use force against you. Now, go.)**

That was scary.

On the point of romance: Slytherins are stupid.

Is there really anything else to cover? You people have nothing better to do than pair us up with others, do you? Oh yeah. No alternate universes because Twilight almost killed me. I had no idea it was possible to die from laughter. Although Grover was cool.

(by the way, Rosie: stay away from ferret junior)

I WILL NEVER LET MY DAUGHTER TOUCH THAT ABOMINATION.

The End.

Yours sincerely,

Ron_ald Bilius_ Weasley

p.s. What was _that _for?

**(supreme ruler: we need clarity)**


	3. Hermione Granger-Weasley

Dear Writers,

Good morning/afternoon/evening. I'm Hermione Jean Granger, known as the Brightest Witch of the Age. There's a reason I'm called that. You know, brain like a library, all O's on my NEWTs and only one non-O (stupid Boggart) on my OWLs. To achieve that, I could not have been bimbotic like Lavender Brown.

No, I am not sore that she snogged Ron for months in sixth year.

**(the supreme ruler: liar!)**

I am also not as bimbotic as this "supreme ruler". Supreme idiot, more like.

I've always loved Harry as my brother. Oh, I had a teensy crush on him in second year (who didn't?) but it went away as soon as I saw how Ginny looked at him. Who am I to come between them?

Draco Malfoy is a quarter-way decent right now. Rest assured that I will never like him until his son falls for my daughter. Fated love? _That's _what should be the definition of it. Rose and Scorpius. On liking him, it'll be as a definite in-law. Astoria is perfect for him.

Just look at me. A perfect romantic now.

Fleur is still Phlegm although little Tori is adorable.

The Weaslies are a family to me now. They always but my marriage to Ron has made it legal.

I still loathe Quidditch. The semantics are amazing but the game itself is mindless running around. I will never understand the whole family's obsession with it.

I met Annabeth Chase once when one of you shoved her into my marriage. She was, understandable, confused. However, we ended up having a very meaningful conversation about idiotic husbands and the designs of many objects. We have since lost touch, sadly.

I know that Ron and Harry have added the Twilight folk into their letters but... oh, who am I kidding?

THEY WERE STUPIDER THAN RON MULTIPLIED BY VOLDEMORT MULTIPLIED BY UMBITCH MULTIPLIED BY FILCH

and that is really saying something. C'mon, sparkly vampires? I have done a thesis on vampires and I assure you none of them sparkle.

I believe I have run out of meaningful topics so I am concluding my letter.

Yours sincerely,

Hermione Jean Granger-Weasley


	4. Ginny Weasley

**a/n: in chinese class~ i don't take chinese. this is a third language.**

**be proud of me.**

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Dear Writers,

I am Ginevra Molly Potter.

I will castrate you if you ever come near my family.

Happily.

I fully agree with my brother, uncouth as he is (look at me, putting on airs).

Well, apart from the - and I quote - "loving Mione forever" bit. Harry's bloody gorgeous and I would _never, ever _leave him for Cormac MacLaggen. MacFaggen, more like. The things I've heard in locker rooms, you wouldn't _believe! _Who would've thought gorgeousJanson Waters played for that team? The _implications_ are endless!

Um, sorry. I got a bit off track there. And yes, married as I am, Janson _is _a sight for sore eyes.

You want to know why I lost the naming battle with my husband for Albus Severus? That's for me to know, and you to never make overly graphic fanfics about.

**(supreme ruler: three words. rock. paper. scissors.)**

...my credibility is ruined forever.

Yours (but not yours really, mine),

Ginny


End file.
